Isn’t it funny how we’re always craving validation from others? Like, we just want people to give us a thumbs up, so we can feel good about ourselves. It’s like we’re all just searching for a little pat on the back to feel better.
There’s a quote I can’t quite remember where I heard it, but it says,
“He who dominates others may seem strong, but powerful is he who already knows himself.”
This sentiment, undoubtedly resonating with many, highlighting how important self-awareness and inner strengths are.
We often spend a lot of time searching for that special person who will bring magic and happiness into our lives. We dream of them, hoping they’ll solve all our troubles.
However, have you ever looked into the mirror and realized that this special person has always been ourselves?
Related post: Letting go,not giving up: The freedom of acceptance
Learning the Unspoken Lessons
Many of us are smart learners, having lots of knowledge and skills. But, surprisingly, no one really taught us the important things in life: Understanding Ourselves, Building Self-Esteem, and having Emotional Intelligence.
The Quest for Validation: A Mirage of Happiness
Yearning for approval from others can trick us into thinking we’re happy, but it’s like chasing a mirage in the desert. Socrates, the legendary philosopher, reminds us that true wisdom begins with understanding ourselves.
It’s like peeling off layers of an onion, uncovering our authentic selves beneath societal pressures, expectations, and personal biases.
So, let’s start our journey of self-discovery and peel away those layers to reveal the real us!
“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”
Socrates
Self-Discovery: Exposing the Layers
Discovering who we are is like going on an adventure where we need to think about ourselves, look back on our experiences, and accept both our strengths and weaknesses. Nobel laureate and philosopher Albert Camus once said:
“The only way to deal with this life meaningfully is to find our passion and purpose, and live in accordance with them.”
Albert Camus
Cultivating Self-Esteem: Nurturing Our Inner Garden
Think of self-esteem like a delicate flower – it grows best when taken care of. It’s like the foundation of a happy life, helping us see how valuable we are and not letting others’ opinions hold us back. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it:
“It’s strange but true: when I embrace who I am, that’s when I can make positive changes.”
Carl Rogers
Building Blocks of Self-Esteem
Creating strong self-esteem means making a strong promise to yourself to love who you are, be kind to yourself, and firmly believe in your own worth. It’s like what Maya Angelou, a famous American author, said:
“Being successful is about enjoying who you are, what you do, and how you do it.”
Maya Angelou
The Power of Emotional Intelligence
Think of emotional intelligence as a key part of growing personally. It helps us steer through life’s ups and downs with strength, understanding, and kindness. It’s about knowing and handling our own feelings and understanding how others feel too. Daniel Goleman, a leader in emotional intelligence, put it like this:
“In a way, we have two minds – one for thinking and one for feeling.”
Daniel Goleman
Navigating Life’s Challenges
Developing emotional intelligence fosters healthier relationships, enhances decision-making skills, and promotes overall well-being. As actress and humanitarian Audrey Hepburn aptly put it,
“The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters.”
Audrey Hepburn
Embracing Self-Reliance: Masters of Our Destiny
True empowerment lies in self-reliance, a state where our happiness and fulfillment emanate from within. It liberates us from the chains of seeking validation, as we become secure in our identity. Entrepreneur and motivational speaker Tony Robbins emphasizes,
“The strongest force in the universe is a human being living consistently with his identity.”
Tony Robbins
Taking Ownership of Our Lives
By embracing self-reliance, we take ownership of our lives, sculpting our destinies with purpose and resilience. In doing so, we inspire others to embark on a similar journey of self-discovery and empowerment.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Buddha
Wrap Up: The Inward Journey
In a world that’s all about showing off and getting quick approvals, there’s an amazing adventure waiting for us—it’s the journey inside ourselves.
As we explore who we are, boost our confidence, and get better at understanding our feelings, we discover something powerful. The strongest person in our lives has always been right there in the mirror.
So, let’s grab this moment, embrace our true strength, unlock all our amazing abilities, and set off a wave of self-discovery and empowerment in the world!
“Find joy in your own validation, for happiness flourishes when freed from external chains.”
–Anjali Trpathi Upadhyay
P.S: Writing this post wasn’t an easy task for me, yet the journey of self-expression is often the most rewarding adventure one can embark upon.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.
A very important post for all those struggling with saying ‘No” and placing their needs behind others, to please and be called nice, etc.
I learned it the hard way, life taught me. You will save a lot of people a lot heartburn and self-loathing Anjali.
I so love your attempt to write this. It is always that we choose others’ opinions above all. But this has to change and your points are so apt for this.
I’ve found that the more I prioritize my own feelings and desires, the more authentic and lasting my sense of happiness becomes. Letting go of the need for external validation has been a journey, but I’m finding that true happiness comes from within.
Your post so resonates with my recent awakening. All the power that we seek is within us. I like the way you have interspersed this with quotes. The only validation we need is us and us alone. We have to live with ourselves first and then the world. But it takes years, sometimes decades, of experience to get to this point.
Dear Anjali I am in a very bad phase right at this moment where I really getting confused what’s right and what’s wrong with me but all that I am doing is not stopping, because I know the moment I will stop it will take me towards permanent halt. I stopped affecting my mind due to others opinions about me, but what can I do when I have the opinion maker in my family who really dont know how hard my life is practically these days, it pains. If you do right , then its nothing special and when you do wrong by mistake…. amazing lectures wait for me. I am coping with it and am sure I will ignore these validations also very soon…All thanks to my supportive partner I am progressing ……
I can sense your sentiments, as I’ve been in a similar situation. Despite trying to overlook things, our minds often dwell on them. My father’s advice always resonated with me – don’t let others’ words affect you; smile, move forward. After 15 years, people who once criticized me grew frustrated, wondering why I didn’t react. Now, they teach their own children to be like me, though I always say dont be like me. Having a supportive partner is importnat during these times, and I’m fortunate to have one, just like you.
As we grow older the need for validation lessens in most of us Anjali but as children that’s all we want. Its a natural need or else humans from a little more than infancy wouldnt exhibit it. Having said that, we shouldn’t crave for it. Also, I totally totally believe in looking inside instead of the outside and the person I am today is because of the introspection I do… since childhood😄.
You’ve really put your heart into this post n it has come out great… exceptional content.
You point out very important aspects of our life. We often wait for external validation. We forget what we are, what do we like and why we are running for things not made for us. I like your attempt to prove out with quotes. Yes. We all should pay attention to our inside and do not relay on outside.
I feel this post is so apt for me. I was a giver and always let other peoples need and choices take precedence over mine. Recently after reading a spate of good books I decided to stand up for my happiness and started priortising myself over others. It’s such a beautiful feeling to keep oneself on top of everything.
Self validation is so under-rated. Unless, we learn to love ourselves and value ourselves, no one else can do it. The sooner we understand this, the better life gets.
Yearning for approval is something I’ve been struggling with my whole life. Though slowly I’m beginning to embrace self-love and self-acceptance, there’s still that bit of me which feels like me or whatever I do isn’t good enough until someone says, “Hey, Good job!” Your post and the advice you’ve shared has made me understand how to do this, a little better. Thanks for sharing these tips. It’ll especially be helpful for people like who are struggling with self-image.
I think taking ownership of our life and not depending upon external validation is the key for content and successful life. Knowing who we are and what we are capable of is the starting point of any success story and we should know how to capitalize on our strength to live a better life.
true… we seek validation from others frequently. and i think social media is making this one more worse. Thanks for sharing your advice with us
Half of the problems in our life would vanish if only we could realise that ‘I come first!’. It’s very important to give ourselves time, attention and timely breaks to introspect and admire the things that make us. Why wait for others to do it?
We have all evolved so much but we still cling to validation. Gen Z is all over social media seeking validation and it is so detrimental to their growth. As a 60-year-old, I am very progressive but find Gen Z limiting themselves somehow.
We always seek validation from others because that is how we have grown up. Social media now has put more pressure with likes. I completely agree that self awareness is more important.
I don’t know if I’m right but I feel that this problem of seeking external validation has gone up since the arrival of social media. We all want to fit and look for constant validation or appreciations from others but we forget that our lives don’t depend on that. If we can discover and acknowledge our weaknesses and turn them into our strengths we won’t feel this need. Excellent post!
This is very true . Looking for an external sign of approval has always given people the confidence. But the more you start believing in yourself, you ll be amazed at the changes it can bring
I feel emotional intelligence is key – we are not taught this anywhere, yet it is the foundation to being happy and living a balanced life.
Wonderful way of putting out the hardest emotion of all of us seeking external validation. Well said when we come out this mirage we are sure be happier.
One of those blogs which makes me contemplate my actions and inspires me to change
I have thought a lot about this topic and feel that it is intrinsic for humans to seek validation and I doubt if one can completely get away from that unless they harbour megalomaniac tendencies. However, all the points you make are valid and important because the first validation needs to come from within, we need to be self aware and self compassionate.
I must say, embrace your own self-liberation. Break away from the chains of external validation. Your worth transcends others’ opinions. Find fulfillment in your authenticity, not in seeking approval.
I found the post very much rejunevating and refreshing to seek inside how we perceive our emotions and react to hurdles. It is a step forward to self discovery and the quotes are enlightening. Thanks for sharing these little tips towards self discovery.
Truer words were never said… We must learn to love ourselves for true happiness.