Sorry to Break it to you
Whenever there is mothers’ day, you see Facebook, Instagram, or WhatsApp all flooded with posts describing Mom as Supermom, referring to those super organized mothers who never miss a beat!. No wonder, you also post such messages on your mom’s birthday. We see these supermom quotes and captions everywhere on social media.
But what really defines a “Supermom”?
The ability to manage thousand of commitments? Efforts to make children smile when in reality she is dead tired after a day of work? Or the multitasking skills developed between a diaper and the new trend of the moment? Did none of us realize that they are asking for something imaginary like a fairy?
The phrases and captions that go like “You can do it Mom” don’t fit me. Though their intentions are not wrong, but they are partially true and should be handled with care.
Social media, Instagram, project a picture of motherhood that is all roses and flowers for us. For this reason, many mothers might feel immense guilt when they are uncertain and scared in the early months of life with their child.
Today’s woman is expected to perform multiple roles, and excel in all. The pressure to be a supermom is magnified by social media and reality television.
Syndrome of Not Perfect Mom
The syndrome of the “not perfect mother” acquires greater relevance today due to the pressure of these social networks, and the quality of a mother is determined by the sacrifice she made.
Motherhood is fraught with social pressure and unrealistic expectations that make us feel inadequate. Remember that you don’t have to be a perfect mother; you just have to be a happy mother.
You should know that you are the best mother in the world to your children and that no one has the right to label you. The syndrome of the “not perfect mother” acquires greater relevance today due to the pressure of these social networks, and the quality of a mother is determined by the sacrifice she made.
Social pressure on supermom
Women are occupying more places and taking on more duties every day.
As you work, you need to remember what foods are missing at home, when your child’s doctor’s appointment is, and how can you organize yourself so as not to neglect your life as a couple. Because society, and many times we, demand that we do everything and do it perfectly.
Self-demand in motherhood is the highest level of this social pressure imposed on women. The intense love we have for our children and our desire to provide the best for them causes us to continually wonder if we are up to the task. And the answer is nearly always “no,” since we are attempting to meet false expectations.
- We must be competent professionals in our fields.
- Have a good circle of friends.
- Fit into a size, stay young, and spectacular.
- Be independent.
- We must take care of our personal growth
- Taking care of children’s needs.
- Do sport.
- Keep studying to train.
- Being good cooks and having the house always in perfect and pristine condition.
- And, of course, to be perfect mothers capable of raising brilliant children and capable of succeeding in this complex world.
Ideal Mother Image
From every angle, we are inundated with images of the ideal mother. Everyone appears to have an opinion on how we should teach our children, whether it’s the media, friends, or relatives; and their opinions are frequently contradictory. Juggling to comply with all the veiled orders and suggestions that come from the environment, feeling frustrated and a failure for not being able to get to everything.
Self-demand in motherhood
The real issue comes across when societal pressure infiltrates our thoughts and convinces us of the false picture of the off-road mother. That selfless lady cares for her house and her children with commitment, without making mistakes, and with a smile on her face.
That mother serves herself last and gets up first to pick up. That she is always available to everyone except herself. She never has a bad day, never loses her papers, and is the breadwinner of the whole family.
When we accept this version, we stop enjoying the journey and begin to suffer as a result of not achieving the objective. Frustration, remorse, and a sense of personal insignificance develop. We begin to relive our failures over and over again, and we gradually fall into worries.
We feel guilty if we leave our children in the care of other people. we feel like failures if we delegate some responsibility. we see ourselves as selfish beings if we take time for our leisure. Either way, we are not up to the task.
A few decades back, Our grandmothers and many of our mothers were educated with one goal in mind: to be good housewives. That meant being perfect wives, good cooks, and loving and wise mothers, of course. Today, the spectrum of responsibilities is much broader:
All of these are undoubtedly dimensions that many moms often feel in their closest surroundings. If a woman becomes obsessed with achieving all of this magical and impossible confluence, all she will achieve is suffering.
Related Post: https://messymom.co/2020/12/ways-you-almost-mess-up-as-a-parent/
You don’t need to be a supermom
Perfection is relative and unattainable. Each person has their vision of the perfect and we can not, nor do we want to, please everyone. The only opinion that matters is yours, so trust your instincts.
‘You are a mom’
It’s about a shift in perspective through accepting that there are no perfect moms, but also knowing how to handle the things that are keeping us from enjoying each season of motherhood amidst the muck and the mess that comes along with it.
Do not try to have every aspect of your life and that of your children controlled to the millimeter. This is unrealistic and will only cause anxiety to prevent you from enjoying your motherhood.
Stop criticizing yourself for your mistakes and start appreciating your accomplishments. It’s good to make mistakes and learn from them. Motherhood is a process with no instruction manual.
You have the right to delegate, seek assistance, and take care of yourself. Furthermore, you must take care of your well-being rather than abandoning yourself to the mercy of others. A contented mother is a better mother.
You will also love to read: https://messymom.co/2020/10/self-love/
Be flexible
Life is not a matter of black and white. Between being perfect and being a mess, there are many shades of grey. It makes no difference if you lost your temper with your child one day or if you left the kitchen without cleaning it.
There is no right or wrong way to be a mother. Each child and family is unique and has its own set of dynamics. Finally, love your kids as much as you can and when times get tough, trust God. After all, we were never meant to have to be supermoms.
Image sources: canva, iStock, Unsplash.
I simply loved this post. Each and every word is very true. How can motherhood be perfect when don’t know what’s coming next? And why should be stress out too much for being a perfect one? I agree what you said about our mother and grandmothers generation. I don’t think I have had any comparison in mind and they used to enjoy what they were doing. now with many other roles added to mom’s list, we should be happy and appreciate what we do.
Mothers need to take a chill pill.. You don’t need to be perfect. In fact perfection doesn’t exit, just give your best and enjoy your journey of mountains things will fall into place. Thanks for writing this.. Need constant reminders.
No one is perfect in teh world and the perfectionist tag added to mother adds more burden to it. Completely agree with your points that mention a person is a mom not a super mom. One should not burden themselves with the fixed routine and should have flexible nature too.
I am reading you for the first time buddy but am mighty impressed with the fluidity of your thoughts and crystal clear writing. Just wanted to share I would have written uncountable pieces on parenting so far but like you, I too find the title Supermom reduntant
I agree Motherhood has become a pressurized journey with social pressure and unrealistic expectations that make us feel make feel moms inadequate. in true sense, motherhood is a learning journey of growing and learning each day as our kids grows. we should try to keep at as real as possible rather than making it a rat race in which every mom want to go ahead and prove themselves a super human being.
Mother is a mother and she knows naturally what is best for her kid and no mother can be super mom as in my view each one of the mother on this earth is super mom
As I saw my mom age, I realised that it’s so important to make her realise that whatever she did for us was good. I think that helps her in accepting that she did the right thing. Besides moms keeping their expectations real for themselves, it’s important that we also make them feel good about themselves.
Every mom is intrinsically a supermom, and they don’t need to try to be one. The hype and myths built up by media and social media can be detrimental, and all moms need to realize this.
I have seen mothers become super mums and getting super stressed these days. You for addressing this issue in your article. Very well written.
This is such a wonderful post. Busting myth about being a supermom is absolutely the need of the hour. Women have too much on their plate already and need to delegate responsibilities to others. Sharing workload can provide them time for themselves.
Recently I read a post. It goes like this. The best gift that you can give your child is a mother who loves herself. Your post reminds me of that proverb. Well written
I would often beat myself around not being able to be the perfect mother for my children. A mother who is always smiling and never scolding. But I have realised myself that there cant be a super and perfect mom is all the image that society expects us to live up to. I have made peace with myself now and I just try to do what is right for my children even if in this process I end up scolding more than loving at times.
It is so sad that now a days moms are put under so much pressure to take care of everything flawless. Thanks for this article, its high time people start talking about and show that supermoms does not mean anything as long as moms are doing their best.
I am so much against this word Perfect. Why do we overexpect from ourselves and others to be perfect. Doing our best is okay in very situation but unnecessarily stressing on impossible only affects physical and mental health.
As a life coach, I believe we are all super moms in our own ways. Bu that I also feel that a mom is a human too…you can’t expect her to be without flaws. wonderfully written.
Being a mom has become like a competition these days, everyone wanting to be a perfect mom and a supermom! I am okay being a flawed mom, I am learning through this journey too
Yes I know. This is very nice information post and well writing article. You have explained so well. Mom is very important and she is very efforts working and housewife, teachers, doctors etc. Mom is God. We all have supermom. We must respect and love mom.
I am not a mother yet but can completely relate with your all words. A mother is a human and she can’t be perfect.its completely fine.
This trend has been posing to be too toxic for moms. From being the perfect mom who handles every detail at home single-handedly and also manages her career -the expectations set are too high and impossible. So glad you have written the post.
In my opinion, a mother can give the best gift to her child as to love yourself unconditionally. This is a beautiful post with some great pointers.
This article is so so good to read! It is an eyeopener for those moms who feel frustrated and hopeless as they want to fit on what society and social media wants to see them. It is very important to realise that being the mom the way you are is the best mom your kids can have already, period. You don’t need to show-off to anyone.
It’s so beautiful post to read I agree mother’s can’t be perfect every time they are humans too and no one is perfect
Love this post! Hate how we put pressures on women to be a “perfect mom.” Hate how we expect moms to be equal in both personal and work areas when we don’t expect the same from men!
Everything you have mentioned here is so true. We live in a society where there are so many expections from a women especially when she’s a mother. No one is perfect and that’s absolutely okay.
I agree with you that today every mom is living in so much of pressure to fit on the terms of society norms and yes it not always that she is in right phase of mind and perfect and that is completely OK.
[…] You would love to read: Decoding supermom myth. […]